Today Kayla(my little sister) was baptized. It was so amazing. Honestly it was so nice to feel the spirit so strong. Kayla is ten years old, and for the last couple of years she has been asking to get baptized. I lived in Utah and my mom wasn't active so really nothing was being done about her wanting to get baptized. Last summer Kayla came to visit me in Utah and I had the missionaries over to talk to her. I mean she was only there for a week so it wasn't enough time to teach her what exactly she needed to know, but it was all about planting the seed. This last summer I felt inspired to come back to NY.

I knew it was time to get my family back in church. There was no way I was going to hold onto the truth and not share it with them. I didn't know how I was going to get them back but I knew that was what the Lord wanted me to work on. Today, Kayla's baptism was so wonderful. The people in the ward were so inviting to my mother when she came to church. When I woke up this morning I decided that I was going to fast. I wanted Kayla's bapitism to remind my mother why she decided to join the church thirteen years ago(almost to the day). I wanted her to feel the spirit. Oh man did the Lord answer my prayer. I mean I felt the spirit but one of the first things my mom said when we go in the car to go home was how she really enjoyed feeling the spirit again. I heard her tell one of the ladies that she was going to come back to church the next time she has a day off. The Lord hears our prayers, he know the intent of the heart. I don't want my mom to come back to church for me or Kayla. I want her to come back because I know it makes her happier. I know that the gospel is the plan of happiness. I know that Heavenly Father wants the best for us. He wants families to be strengthened. We need to Lord to help shine that light on our family again. I love the Lord, and I am so grateful for this experience. There is nothing that is going to take away from this day. My testimony has grown so much in the last few hours. I know that God Lives. I know He answers our prayers. I know My savior atoned for our sins. I know that baptism is the first step we need to take to live with our Father again. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.Amen

Elder Hollands CES firside

Can you say wow to his devotional tonight. I just got home from playing with my neighbor's kids at the park and it was 8:10 and suddenly I remembered there was a CES fireside tonight. I turned on the pre-show to the VMA's and just had this inspiration to turn on the fireside. I decided to turn it on and I have never felt the spirit so strong. It was beautiful. I was litterally in tears for the last hour. It was like Elder Holland was talking to me. I knew Heavenly Father wanted me to hear his talk. Since I have been home it has been nothing but heartache. I have been called countless names by my brother. I know I don't deserve to be treated so badly. I didn't get it. I felt like I have been doing what I needed to be doing. I started to doubt that being home was the right decision. I litterally got onto the Jetblue website one day and almost bought a ticket back to Utah. After I calmed down I decided that I am not going to allow words to bring me down. hahaha easier said than done. A few days later my brother had another fit and for about an hour straight I had to listen to him call me very horrible names. See my brother does not believe in God. Okay well he says he believes there is a God he just doesn't believe there is a Christ. He think that the mormon church is full of crap. See he went to church for a long time but as he got older he started to research a lot of anti-mormon literature. We all know what is said in that stuff. Well, all of this leads him to hate me. He says things like I am only mormon because I want to be "white". along with a lot of other stuff that I don't really want to get into. He even told me that I am not allowed to have the missionaries over the house because it makes him feel uncomfortable. This would not normally bother me so much but my little sister wants to get baptized, and this calls for the missionaries to come over and teach my sister. This can't happen because my brother has threatened me that if they come over he will make sure to say horrible things to them. Now I have to walk to the nearest park to meet them there so they can teach my sister. All of the these things happening realy made me start to, pretty much, pitty myself. I started to realize that I have to have more faith. I did remember my Savior and His trials. I know that he suffered more than I did and I know I am not greater than He. I was just so confused about why I need to go through this. I loved how Elder Holland spoke about making, our versions of Liberty Jail, a temple. That really touched me. I have seen lots of trials in my life. Sometimes I wonder when I am going to get a break. I know I have to endure through them. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. right?!I am so grateful for my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I know they answer my prayers. I know I was inspired to watch this devotional. The Lord knew I needed to hear the things that were taught. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I know he restored the gospel. I know that the things that are taught in the church are true. Our Father hears our prayers. I know He is there with me when I am going through my trials. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. Also read D&C 121, 122, 123

on my mind

For the last three weeks I have been at home and trying my hardest to stay positive. I love my family so much. They do some questionable stuff but they are good people. I have been reading almost everyday and praying for strength. It's hard not having the same support you have in a place where there are a lot more LDS members. I have a purpose here and I will do whatever the Lord wants me to do. My little sister is meeting with the missionaries tomorrow morning. I am so excited for her to be taught the lessons. She is ten years old. Although this is really young I can totally see the light in her. I know that the Lord has inspired her to be taught. She has been the one to ask about baptism. I am so excited for her. Times are hard and you need the spirt to get through life. I see what not having the help of the Holy ghost does to you, and I never want to be there again. When you love somebody you want them to be happy. I want nothing more for my mom and brothers and sisters to be happy. I want them to have the complete gospel. The plan of happiness is all about family and I refuse to be the only one from my family to be blessed. People don't understand how much pain it brings to my heart to see what goes on in the world. If only people knew how the savior will help you bare your burdens. I see unhappiness and dispair everyday. I am so happy that I have the completeness of the gospel. It brings me hope. I know that my Heavenly Father and Savior love me. I am so grateful for the atonement. Without it I would not be the person I am today. I know that God lives. I know that Jesus Christ is my savior. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. We need to get out there and bring the plan of happiness to everyone. They have the right to reject it but we need to give them a choice. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

going home

Okay so the closer and closer I get to leaving the more anxiety I get. It is amazing how your body can trip you out. I have been feeling non stop hunger. AHHHHHHHH I can't stand it. Nerves drive me crazy. I didn't go to bed last night until 2am because I knew if I went to sleep a new day will start over and I would be one day closer to going home. Man it's crazy. Don't get me wrong I am so excited to go back to my home land haha. I am so ready for a change in familiar territory. I am so excited to go back to school(this is saying something because I hate school). I will be living on my own and that is a new; no more roommates! Well, actually, maybe one roommate. The hardest part of all this is saying goodbye to those I care about. I am not good with expressing how I feel. I don't really like to show emotion. So, if I have said goodbye to you already and it seemed passive; it was. Growing up the oldest(well I have an older brother but he doesn't count) puts a lot of pressure on you. I have always had to be the strong one. I have to put on a good game face even though I might be crumbling on the inside. I guess I am a boy when it comes to showing weakness. I have no idea what is going to happen after Tuesday but I am ready for it. Heavenly Father knows what is best for me so I am going to tust him and let go.

I'm moving

Okay after a lot of back and forth decision making I have officially decided to move back to NY. I just realize it is time to move on. Utah has been great. I know I got what I needed to get here. I have grown so much in the last three years. My testimony has been strengthened. I am really ready to move back to the "real" world and be with my family. I have missed them so much the time I have been here and I am so excited to be next to them again. I am so thankful for all of my friends that I have made here. Thank you Julie for being so much fun.You are so funny! haha I know you like that. Krista thank you for always being there for me.You don't know how grateful I am for you. Micheal thank you for allowing me to see the good in myself; you are amazing. Jessica thank you for being such a good example of someone who stays true to herself. Kurt I want to thank you for always being there when I needed a blessing. You have no idea how grateful I am for you. Victoria I love you and I want to thank you for your powerful testimony.You have been a great example of strength. There are so many more people who have touched my life and I want to thank you for your testimonies that have allowed me to strengthen mine. I would also like to thank all of you that I have worked with. Thank you for being so awesome. It has been fun and I will miss you guys so much. I love all of you. Please if we can lets hangout before I leave.

boys vs girls

In the last few weeks I have had a few girls come up to me and tell me how they are not sure if they are good enough. They tell me that they don't feel beautiful. They don't feel like they are doing enough to qualify to be a good enough wife. One of their biggest insecurities happens to be the fact that guys do not ask them out. They have heard guys say that boys are shallow and only go for girls that are completely easy on the eyes. Guys want girls that are thin. They want them to be submissive. They wants them to be energetic and active. They want a girl that will go hiking with them at 12am but still able to wake up in the morning pefectly beautiful. They want a girl that dresses up and wears make-up, but not too much. They want a girl that looks good in heals and jeans but also they can put on a pair of basketball shorts and a tee shirt but still look hot. I am not saying that a girl like this is unrealistic but I want you to think about how important all of these factors are.I want a guy that is spirtually driven, yet not judgemental. I want a guy that is intelligent but humble. I want a guy that is going to be a great father. I want a guy that is responsible. I want a guy that is constantly doing his best. I want someone who loves me for my inner beauty more than my outter beauty. I want someone who makes me want to be a better person.Most girls are looking for the same attributes as I am. Do you notice the difference of the two paragraphs? Guys are looking for more physical characteristics while girls are looking for more mental . It's okay to want to marry someone that is physically appealing but in the long run it's the non-physical things that make a person beautiful.It is really hard for girls because guys are really shallow. I know I have been told by guys that I am perfect but I am just not what they want physically. This hurts, but it is not going to break me down. I am okay with myself enough to know that if a guy is not attracted to me physically that's okay. I know that in the end it is his loss. I know that I am a beautiful person on the inside and out. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Heavenly Father made us all different because He doesn't want us all to be the same. He wants us to embrase our differences. In His eyes we are all beautiful. We should be able to look at each other and see that beauty also.