going home

Okay so the closer and closer I get to leaving the more anxiety I get. It is amazing how your body can trip you out. I have been feeling non stop hunger. AHHHHHHHH I can't stand it. Nerves drive me crazy. I didn't go to bed last night until 2am because I knew if I went to sleep a new day will start over and I would be one day closer to going home. Man it's crazy. Don't get me wrong I am so excited to go back to my home land haha. I am so ready for a change in familiar territory. I am so excited to go back to school(this is saying something because I hate school). I will be living on my own and that is a new; no more roommates! Well, actually, maybe one roommate. The hardest part of all this is saying goodbye to those I care about. I am not good with expressing how I feel. I don't really like to show emotion. So, if I have said goodbye to you already and it seemed passive; it was. Growing up the oldest(well I have an older brother but he doesn't count) puts a lot of pressure on you. I have always had to be the strong one. I have to put on a good game face even though I might be crumbling on the inside. I guess I am a boy when it comes to showing weakness. I have no idea what is going to happen after Tuesday but I am ready for it. Heavenly Father knows what is best for me so I am going to tust him and let go.

I'm moving

Okay after a lot of back and forth decision making I have officially decided to move back to NY. I just realize it is time to move on. Utah has been great. I know I got what I needed to get here. I have grown so much in the last three years. My testimony has been strengthened. I am really ready to move back to the "real" world and be with my family. I have missed them so much the time I have been here and I am so excited to be next to them again. I am so thankful for all of my friends that I have made here. Thank you Julie for being so much fun.You are so funny! haha I know you like that. Krista thank you for always being there for me.You don't know how grateful I am for you. Micheal thank you for allowing me to see the good in myself; you are amazing. Jessica thank you for being such a good example of someone who stays true to herself. Kurt I want to thank you for always being there when I needed a blessing. You have no idea how grateful I am for you. Victoria I love you and I want to thank you for your powerful testimony.You have been a great example of strength. There are so many more people who have touched my life and I want to thank you for your testimonies that have allowed me to strengthen mine. I would also like to thank all of you that I have worked with. Thank you for being so awesome. It has been fun and I will miss you guys so much. I love all of you. Please if we can lets hangout before I leave.

boys vs girls

In the last few weeks I have had a few girls come up to me and tell me how they are not sure if they are good enough. They tell me that they don't feel beautiful. They don't feel like they are doing enough to qualify to be a good enough wife. One of their biggest insecurities happens to be the fact that guys do not ask them out. They have heard guys say that boys are shallow and only go for girls that are completely easy on the eyes. Guys want girls that are thin. They want them to be submissive. They wants them to be energetic and active. They want a girl that will go hiking with them at 12am but still able to wake up in the morning pefectly beautiful. They want a girl that dresses up and wears make-up, but not too much. They want a girl that looks good in heals and jeans but also they can put on a pair of basketball shorts and a tee shirt but still look hot. I am not saying that a girl like this is unrealistic but I want you to think about how important all of these factors are.I want a guy that is spirtually driven, yet not judgemental. I want a guy that is intelligent but humble. I want a guy that is going to be a great father. I want a guy that is responsible. I want a guy that is constantly doing his best. I want someone who loves me for my inner beauty more than my outter beauty. I want someone who makes me want to be a better person.Most girls are looking for the same attributes as I am. Do you notice the difference of the two paragraphs? Guys are looking for more physical characteristics while girls are looking for more mental . It's okay to want to marry someone that is physically appealing but in the long run it's the non-physical things that make a person beautiful.It is really hard for girls because guys are really shallow. I know I have been told by guys that I am perfect but I am just not what they want physically. This hurts, but it is not going to break me down. I am okay with myself enough to know that if a guy is not attracted to me physically that's okay. I know that in the end it is his loss. I know that I am a beautiful person on the inside and out. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Heavenly Father made us all different because He doesn't want us all to be the same. He wants us to embrase our differences. In His eyes we are all beautiful. We should be able to look at each other and see that beauty also.